115 Key Principles for Success

Principle - Subtle Compliment

I first thought about this when someone gave me a subtle putdown.

"You're ugly" is a putdown but "Your looks can break a mirror" is a subtle putdown.

My wife would give them in trying to make a joke. Look for instances where people make fun of you via this and call them out right away.

A subtle compliment is one of the most powerful ways to improve likeability. ASSCURL

Examples:

You never get the answer wrong

If I could have a dollar for every time you were wrong I'd be broke

I've learned more from you in one minute than I learned in my college career

I could never do that. (referring to someone's cooking, speech, performance...)

How long did it take you to learn that?

Can you show me how to do that?

That's a great question - This implies that the questioner is smart

Wow! That's amazing.

That's a really good point

That's a great tweet vs. That tweet really made me think

How do you make it look so easy

I feel so small next to you

The following are from Adam Grant¹

I don't want to embarrass you but...

I know you don't want me to say this, but...

Compliment the recipient to their friends as the complement will get back to them

Argue a little before conforming to the subject's viewpoint

Disguising flattery as advice-seeking - How were you able to do x so successfully?

Speak glowingly about people behind their back

Conform to someone's opinion when getting it from somewhere else

A few rules:

Find something someone does well

Make sure that they believe this about themselves

Find links to the complement

Use you don't ...; you're not...; you never...; you can't... (where the ... is opposite of compliment)

Use double negatives

Exaggerate

Exercise:

Pick a situation to give one (home, work, public transit,Twitter)
Follow the rules above
Give the Subtle Compliment
Track and measure the results in you PN (Persuasion Notebook)

Learn more on "Subtle Compliments"

1. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20131105150120-69244073-7-sneaky-influence-tactics-you-never-saw-coming?trk=tod-posts-post1-ptlt